A man with Ak47 rifle ran into a Church and pointed the gun at the congregation saying
"Who is a child of God here,
"Let me send him to heaven"?
The congregation kept silent he then fired a shot in the roof.
The congregation shouted!
"its the pastor!
He always say that he is a child of God".
Pastor replied;
What kind of conspiracy is this? Everyone here knows that I am the son of Chukwudi and the grandson of Okeke,
So what is my business with God,
abeg if na play make una stop ham ooo!!!.

A plane was about to crash and there were 5 passengers with 4 parachutes

the pilot, a student,a footballer, a pastor and the president. Then the president took one parachute and said i am the  president so, i am too young to die, he left the plane, the footballer took one parachute and said i am the best footballer in Barcelona, so i am too young to die,then he left the plane. remanining 3 people in the plane. The pilot take one parachute and said to the people, he is the bread winner of his family that he is too young to die, then he left, the pastor  told the student  he should take the remaining parachute.The student replied "no worries,the president took my school bag, i have my parachute.      

Akpos and his two friends attended a party and got themselfs drunk......On there way home they chattered a cab(taxi).When they entered, they told the driver there destination..The driver noticing that they were drunk started his car and turned it off..He turned and told them that have arrieved at their destination......they paid the taxi driver his money,, and he was happy that his plan worked... to his grtest suprise while AKPOS was coming down he gave him a sound slap....the driver thought that Akpos knew what he did but decided to ask Akpos why the slap and Akpos answerd ``YOU ALMOST KILLED US````

Two Factory workers are talking:

Wowan:I can make the boss give me the day off.

Man:And how would you do that?

Woman:Just wait and see."She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.

Boss comes in: What are you doing?

Woman:I'm a light bulb.

Boss:you have worked so much that you have gone crazy.I think you need a day off,then the man follows her and the 

Boss says" where are you going?

The man says:I'm going home too,i can't work in the dark.

;

Jokes:‎5 people named Crazy, Mad, Sun, Fool and
Imposible were living in the same house.
On a certain afternoon, Sun came home and
rushed to the kitchen to prepare some lunch
since it was his duty.
…

Imposible was bathing in the shower, Crazy
was just relaxing in the living room but Mad
and Fool had gone outside to do some house
shopping.
After he finished cooking, Sun left the gas
running without noticing. After sometime, the
whole kitchen was on fire!
Crazy decided to call the Fireservice:-
Crazy: Hallo? is that the fire service?
Fire service: Yes pliz, how can we help you?
Crazy: We need your help immediately, our
house was accidentally set on fire by Sun!
Fire service: Set on fire by sun? thats
impossible!
Crazy: No! its not him, he was just having a
shower when all this took place!
Fire service: Are you mad?
Crazy: No! Mad has gone to the market to do
some shopping…
Fire service: Dont be a fool!
Crazy: I swear am not Fool! he went out to the
market with mad…
Fire service: Hey man, you must be crazy!
Crazy: Yeah exactly! thats me. pliz do
something immediately and help us put off
this fire!
Fire service: ¤¤HANGS UP THE CALL¤¤

*A husband comes home from Church, greets his wife, lifts her up and carries her around the house. The wife is so surprised and excited! She asked with smiles, “Did the Pastor preach on being romantic?” Out of breath the husband replies, “No, he said we must carry our burdens…”

*An American, an English man, and a Nigerian were on a ship. Suddenly the Devil appeared and said, “Drop anything in the sea, if I find it I will eat u, If I can’t, I will be your slave!” The American dropped a pin, the Devil found it and ate him. The English man dropped a coin, the Devil found it and ate him too. The Nigerian opened a bottle of water, poured it in the sea and said, “Na today be today, go find am!”.

*A guy takes a girl on a date. She orders costly champagne, oysters, lobsters, the most expensive food on the menu. The guy asks: “Do you eat like this at your mom’s place?” The girl replies, “No, my mother doesn’t plan to sleep with me after the meal.’

“Pastor, my dog is dead. Could there be a service for the poor creature?” Pastor replied, “No, we cannot have service for an animal in the church. But there is a new church down the road, maybe they will do it.” The man said, “Do you think they will accept a donation of U.S $250,000 for the burial service?” Pastor exclaimed, “Sweet Jesus! Why didn’t u tell me the dog was a Christian?”

An old farmer wrote 2
his son in prison.
Dis year I wont b able 2 plant
potatoes cos I can't dig the field,
I knw if u wer here u
would help me.
D son wrote back, Dad,
dont even think of diggin d field
cos dat's where I buried d money
I stole.
The Police read d letter & d next
day d
whole field was dug by
police lookin 4 d money but
nothin
was found.
D following day the son wrote
again,
Now plant ur potatoes,
Dad..It's the best I can do frm
here...!