A wife suspected her husband
for having sex with their maid,
so she set a trap for the husband
by sending the maid to village
for weekend without telling her
husband. At night, the husband
told his usual story 'darling, i
want to go and watch wrestling
match in the sitting room.' he
left. the wife silently went to the
maid's room lying on the bed
naked with no light, he opened
the door, joined her on the bed
without wasting time and
without a word, he had sex with
her, after the fifth round she
said 'it is enough, i catch you, so
this is how you used to have sex
with her, you will do two rounds
telling me you are tired. five
rounds now, you are still
demanding for more.
The gateman replied. "'sorry
madam, i don't know you are the
one. LMAO!

there was a man who owned a parrot that speaks 5 different languages. the man was not so wealthy. one evening his friend who had been living in paris for years just bumped into him. he saw him with his parrot.the parrot had been talking, making noise, the man now told his friend that a rich man in paris wud pay 1 million euros for a parrot that speaks french and english.

Abino met a girl on facebook, after introduction of each other
Abino: what is ur name?
Girl: Lovett
Abino: where do u work
Girl: I am a fashion designer. And u?
Abino: am a managing director, I have my own biz
Abino: ok that is good I like u so much, more than 2 sim china phones 
Girl: mmmmhhhh dats lovely thanks
After few months as Abino was trying to open up gate for his master to go out he met the girl coming towards him shouting buy sweet bread and butter' on her head, they both germ each other face to face.
Abino: Ah! Ah!! ..is this ur shop 
Girl: Ah! Ah!! Oloshi .... stupid Manager

jim and mary were both patients in a mental hospital,one day while they were both walking past the hospital swimming pool,jim suddenly jumped into the deep end .Mary pormptly jumped in 2 save him.she swam to the bottom and pulled jim out.When the medical director became aware of mary's heroic act,he ordered her mentally stable.when the mesenger went to tell her the news,he said mary,i have a gud & bad news 4 u .the gud news is that you are being discharged because you saved d life of another patients.i think you've regained yur senses.the bad news is that Jim whom you saved hung himself in the bathroom,i am so sorry ,but he's dead''Mary replied'he didn't hang himself,i put him there to dry

A Nigerian man dies but because of the murder he commited he goes to hell so theres an american hell a british hell and a nigerian hell in the american hell there is an electric chair but there is no one at the gate so he goes to the british hell and its the same an electric chair but no one at the gate so he goes to the nigerian hell and there are so many people there and the man asks why are there so many people here and someone replies because the electric chair doesnt work beacause of nepa(power failure)

D greatest shock u can eva get is having sex with a pregnant woman & sudenly d hands of d baby graps ur dick and say: Bros, abeg see my eye o!

A whiteman visited d zoo wt his
monkey. On his
arrival, he sat next to an African
man who was
enjoying his banana. D African
man excused
himself to talk to a friend leaving
his banana
behind. Wen he returned, he
realized dat d monkey
had finished his bananas. So he
confronted d white man.
African man; look at ur monkey. It
ate all my
bananas.
White man; cool down, is it am
offence for ur
brother to eat ur bananas?
D man felt d words as if he has
been stabbed in d heart wit a
knife. So he sat down thinking
about d
chicky answer. After some
minutes, d white man
left to attend to nature's call, so he
left his monkey
behind, on his return, he found
his monkey dead.
White man; what did u do to ma
monkey?
African man; dis is a family matter.
Dnt interfere. Whats ur business
wit me punishing my own
brother.

If Life Were Like A Computer:
You could add/remove someone in your life using the control panel.
You could put your kids in the recycle bin and restore them when you feel like it!
You could improve your appearance by adjusting the display settings.
You could turn off the speakers when life gets too noisy.
You could click on “find” (Ctrl, F) to recover your lost remote control and car keys.
To get your daily exercise, just click on “run”!
If you mess up your life, you could always press “Ctrl, Alt, Delete” and start all over!

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison." 

A man reads a novel to his wife on bed, and suddenly fingers her, she asked; darling, you wan fuck? NO, i just wan wet my fingers so i go fit turn to the nxt page